Desperate...too much of dependence worth nothing..

Desperate – once you were desperate of someone.

Worthless..

World seems to be wide enough to let us hold on the calmness rather being frantic dependent. However none could consent to escape from this desperate. Each one of us clutches at least a string of desperate out of bunch or maybe it is adolescence act for its emotional adjustments, I am not sure. 

Without any control over our own identity sometimes we become desperate for someone. Therefore I frequently ask myself, Is this the answer for our strength or is it showing our true weakness out of the strong nerve. 

When we befall to be desperate it heaves down our hope’s rope inculcating Achilles’ heel. It tows our self esteem down in the dumps making us miserably worthless and hollow like. 

 Desperate, if it is mean for doing something commendable it would be better named after that coolly but being desperate for someone means healing the pain without any coverage of wellness.

Devoid of thinking of one’s own life’s worth we turn out to be worrying of others. Only the certainty ever known was that the things which will be happening will happen in the way how it should be happening to end up its happening phases. Consequently it’s pointing its finger right to us to be at present moment spotting its need and imperatives of the moment which will never be at present once it was gone. 

Being that so is also of our casual thoughts. Leaning on the positivity may purge us from such thoughts. Lets try!!!...

Wish that could be applied to humans too...

The chair I sat on.

It’s in 4iiiPCA I was in third year of the four year programme. As a freshly experienced teacher I was back from my teaching practice and it’s the first day to the college after the TP. Me and my friend Haki went to our classroom and selected the chair. We were the firstperson in the class. She selected a freshly painted yellow chair where as I haven’t looked at the chair instead took one from the corner and sat on it. After several minutes all of my friends entered the classroom everyone was searching for a comfortable and ease chair. I was shocked why am I not going for comforts? Why have I chosen this without any notice? Then I stared at the chair which I was sitting on. The chair was similar with the ones that my friends took. 

I wondered why my friends were quarrelling for a single simple chair. I stood up and looked around. More than half of my friends didn’t get the chair. I said one can have mines. Someone took it from me. Quickly I went to Dzongkha B.Ed and asked for one chair from their class placed in my previous sit and sat on the chair.

 The chair seems like my fan I have seen my friends writing their names on the chair then I too started autographing on the chair and felt as if like a celebrity giving autograph to her/his fans. It was freshly painted with yellowish color. But I have made a mess on that beautifully painted chair. Never did it happen to lose its patience in holding me. It served its service for whole autumn semester being a great fan of mines. Sometimes have to take over the loaded baggy which I used to hang from its back stand. Sometimes I used to lean without mercy on its back stand. Sometimes I used to sit on its back stand with my foot on the flat usually where we sit. Sometimes out of guilt I used to clean the top flat with my handkerchief, sometimes with firm papers and tissue papers. It did a marvelous job without minding to hold the heaviest sitter too. It comforted its pleasure to make me happy for four months bearing with my silly acts and nonsense sense. It’s only the consoler to drip down my stress I used to bang and drag it hard but never did it yelled somehow it creeps little when its over the limit.

 It really had done a tiring job for me but never did I get chance to pay back my gratitude rather all I can see nowadays on this chair is my autograph which I have imitated it from my dear friends and autographed on its back…just a simple memory unless a freshly paint would cover up its mess which I had made.   

Veracity of life...

Modern heart stealer...

Before when I wasn’t in love I use to feel the presence of future. I was a great dreamer, always dreaming of my hopes and desires. I used to decide my plans and dreamed of being a conceited woman amongst the crowd. I thought of being a supportive family member helping my innocent brothers and sisters and my beloved hardworking mother and assiduous father. I use to feel their love and care at the deepest core of my heart, their advices, their hard work , their compassionate love, touching feelings, their high anticipations. It’s after the entire situation changed reversing those real beauty of the life, contemplating to the worldly attachments.

I have fallen in love with an unseen guy unbelievably abstract love. Blindly exchanged feelings, ignoring the supportive nature precisely believing in the unseen thoughts and attractively heart touching words. Clinging on the innocence, without thinking about the latterly bad things I loved him unconditionally probably my ever roused feelings. After fallen in love with him I attended most of my concentration to his feelings neglecting my dear parent’s words and action, apathetic to do my works to achieve my dreams and disregarding the concerns of my loveable siblings. 

Without thinking that love with attachments would be that difficult, I have given my trust. The fact wasn’t like how I thought; intangibly it’s all about five minute pleasures weighing itself with my profound devotion. I believe I ascertained the one sided love never meant to blame the relation but somehow was thrust up. The relation was not able to hold my trust it revolved my faith to mistrust. From which I knew don’t ever let self trust be upon others because trust is the greatest compliment then love, trust self and love others. It dwelled me in a traumatic depression for more than two months, may be a stepping stone for the other round.

But it’s not a fault of karma it’s one’s own heedlessness, not being able to know the reminiscent or difference of self with other persons. If life happens to ensue it with the way I have described I will reason out most of the break downs must be of that personal discrepancy. The genuinely recognizable certainty of life is that partners are meant for pleasure as their lip talks were condensed to prove it is meant for emotional support, physical prop up and mental console. But as far as I have seen and known 5 out of 100 may dissolve their cravings to the enlightening purposes however other 95 would be seeking for self love only without taking to heart the value of other person’s commitments, character, need for survival and reputations. 

It is all about how people’s perspective of life’s truth has been revealed to me. Bartering or exchanging my profound devotion with short term pleasure dodges.

Nothing has curb unless we control ...

FACTS EVER KNOWN...

Whenever I think of approaching something to someone or approve doing something, it really makes me prove my confidential to compete with those under controlled approvals.  It's hard to get adjusted to those unseen truths. Still then to move over to reach the contrary part it’s great to follow such hardships too. - Covetousness.

 

 Though it fully contradict itself from the views of Buddhism we cannot rely solely on one thing to land up ending upon a simple believe but doesn't mean Buddhism lies upon my belief. Yes, Buddhism has a great impact on my ways of believers and perceptions. It concerns the truths improving my approvals to solely believe on the truths. However being a being human instead of human being all takes makes my unconsciousness arouse from the consciences consciousness. Flaming like a tank full fuel was poured upon it.  - exasperate

The tricks which were hidden underneath my heart, how much I try to curb it from blazing out from the spot it turns deaf ear to what I am trying to say: Grasping the affections backing itself from the love and compassion, Endeavoring to hold on one essence of transient, Flickering its stability from one poise to another devoid of being in a peaceful and calm manner. -attachments

Unrestricted from the restricted home whilst I allow her to roam, it has got no control over it's act of innocence. Becomes sluggish, twirling itself from the way of benevolence and generosity, engaging in the momentary pleasures. Could I ever get rid of from such mistrust of the thoughts as I know how it progress but never had it let me get through as well will not let unless I curb it to let myself pass through hatreds, aversions, attachments, covetousness and exasperates.

People's dreams were never answered in how they have felt...

It was when I haven't known how much I have grown up to meet the perfectionist and professionalism. 

         When I was eight I always dreamed of becoming an adult who will stand on her feet to serve her greedy stomach. I had a great dream full of hopes and desires which will never be fulfilled even if the greatest wish was be-quested for me to wish my wishes. My desires are seemed to be the one to encourage me to hold on the hopes of my life and the desires which never backs me from the place where it was caught in the secret of success. I loved to plan though I cannot implement effectively. 

                                                                                                  The years proceeded preceding my great hopes and dreams. It has reached a year when point knocked me to realize what I have dreamed for, the seventh and the eighth grade. Little perceptive then before I have sensed how dreams should walk over the desires and hopes. Not being less then a hopeful person and approaching the dreams fostered, the year 2003 and 2004 ended. With that popping dreams and hopes I was certainly a high school girl attending ninth and tenth grade, vision-less of how I should be reacting towards my hopes and dreams the year swift ed over swinging on its usual schedule. The following year I was in eleven much more innocent then before as I haven't qualified in a stream where I 'm interested in. Probably, ignoring the great parts and relying on the suspicion thoughts; the year passed. In 2008, I attended my twelfth grade with same ignorance.

Although it was said that plan less, do more: eat less, chew more, the fact doesn't substitute what I have been practicing for decades. Ever I realized of my dreams, hopes and desires it never seemed to be the glasses purely magnified for clear visionary alternatively it happens in the way how it should be happening without giving impression on how I have hoped for, desires and dreams. 

Still then luck favored me to study somewhere in a novelist profession of the world much perfection especially for a person like me so I always feel myself blessed with that perfect profession though society's view creeps our profession down. This story ends here with the perfect profession till 2012.

                              

Impermance means the slightest change from the im- permanent permanence

It was an accolade to my previous teacher who taught me the truth of suffering and value of knowing the emptiness…

“Impermanence”, the change which will never be stable when time approaches to takeover its stay in that corner of permanence. When healed over such word of truthfulness I personally bow myself to the truths raveled so far. Hearing the word change never makes us realize the already past changes still it built upon the mistrust of permanence relying myself deeply on the dependents. Actually it has reached a great time for me to understand the normality of living the life but I think I am not matured enough to meet those though my age reached to compete in those stages of changes. I am therefore sorry for myself for being tad a pole lethargic to learn those changes of stages in the right time when I should be learning.

               Whilst I say I should be learning in right time it doesn’t mean that I am out of the way to learn those facts of life or I am stagnant to seek the verity of life. Nonetheless I am walking the talks of that veracity along with cool breeze of pressures from the societal. The more you read the more you will learn is a saying, universally accepted quote, may be for me the actuality could be to see in our own self how they are true hitherto. Other great men also says that fools learn from oneself while wise learn from others this may be a right adage to those who have been learning from others mistakes but for me I am one of the victims of the foolish people who have been learning from the self made mistakes. Even though I learn from my mistakes I have never considered seriously those mistakes as a great mistake, rather thought those are the climbing ladder to meet the next livelihood life in more successful tactic. Here the impermanence rises, innocent changing into mature man to convene the acquaintance of real situations.

               Everybody raise their voice in letting others believe what one has to say, being egoist.  When recapitulating the impermanence of great idea all seems to be of no value except the emptiness which rules the impermanence. Being it a wise men or a folly foolish man tends to get over each others learning, step for step. At the end what counts are the stones of strong strength collected for the following tacit future. Future which is not yet raised deemed a birth of today. So what I have known was one should know that every dog has its own day as a main quote here. That day if you are foolish enough you will learn the way how I have learned and if you are wise enough you will learn the way how learned have learned.