RCSE preparation…2012

I was busy with my winter chores, the daily routine chores of the people living in the village. In summer the paddy transplantation and weeding keeps the villagers busy, in autumn they were busy standing besides the scarecrow guarding the golden ripped paddy. After reaping the long waited product the farmers have to hull the rice, sweep the chaft and winnow the grains. Some families with no enough leisure raise piggery and poultry farms. They do hard slog chores feeding slops to their pigs, chaff to their cattle and chicken corns to chickens.

As I am a very fortunate village girl born to a bourgeois family I only have to feed chaff to my cattle and help my parents in hulling the rice. I insulate the preparation time within my busy schedule, reading articles and stories at least for an hour every day. But what really matters me was that whether this short period of reading will be enough for appearing the RCSE examination and to get through the juncture whether it will serve the whole purpose. I know as usual the simple noble teachers will get through what we call the attitude test. My seniors who have come into the view of B.Ed BCSE usually say “It’s unlike other civil service examination with similar question pattern with different remarks at the end. So far we have been trained as teachers as we do and we will” a reinforcing suggestion and a heedless suggestion too. I can now feel my heart filled with joy as I will be graduating with a qualification of Bachelors in education. As well I am bit worried to wake up from this qualification into a much professional Bachelor certificate holder. I am sure holding a graduate certificate isn’t a very hard choice however achieving the professional attitude to serve the TSAWASUM is the essence option. Probably a pessimistic thought to motivate myself.

On 6^th December RCSC made an announcement online regarding the schedule of the BCSE and the documents needed. By this time I think my friends too were very worried of the screening test. They started calling and messaging each other. Some arrived from their home town in Paro with intention to prepare their best for the BCSE. They reenacted their high school day’s diligence browsing the college wi-fi wireless, downloading the brain teasers, past BCSE questions and flipping the stale pile notes. Each day I visit my friends they at least have new information to share with me perhaps their kindness being a good friend. We discussed the need of each other’s ideas and assistance to make best use of the December month. Idealizing the great mind we discuss the great ideas which may seem childish to others nevertheless a lifelong decision for the simple teacher like us.

 Our friends tease in a serious way rephrasing our honorable director’s dialogue “I want you- the final years to keep a legacy but not of a materialistic rather think beyond that” a grin curved on everyone’s face. That time I remembered a moment when our director addressed this for the first time in the assembly and one of our friends say “Then let us keep an imaginary Thangka which would probably will not be seen but can be pictured with imagination” Normally internalizing the legacy our director was waiting for and ironically relating to the BCSE result. If we prepare it hard and appear the exam with no hindrance naturally it will come out with an excellent remark. Firstly, the merit will be counted on our grateful lectures who tirelessly worked for our success for about four years. Next to almighty and government then followed by ourselves who nocturnally worked hard to come over such excellence. This is how I think one makes useful usage of the time assigned for a particular preparation - Sharing the important skills, respecting each other’s weaknesses and holding hand in hand to build upon a nation’s sovereignty and prosperity.

After realizing the help and support we have given to each other I can now assure that set of 2012’s final year B.Ed pass outs can truly bestow our hearts and souls to serve the service at our best. Wittily, I wiped my teary eyes at this moment thinking of our friendship tie which has been four year long and the last exam we will be appearing altogether in a same campus at the same time with the same knowledge and wisdom shared among us.

Soon the fresh graduates with free wisdom and knowledge will be graduating from the Paro College and Samtse to start a new journey of our country.      

Every moment counts happiness

When we cry we never realize that we will get a good exercise of laugh when we look back to those crying moments. On 10^th October, first two periods of Career and Counseling session our tutor told us to work on the counseling role play in group. I am in second group. In each group we should have at least one topic – topic showing an unripe problem of the person for the role play. One member should act as a counselor and other three should be the clients. But don’t think that I am narrating the whole academic strategy to pinch on to the story. You know what happened – I just dodged the hidden corner to let slip what has come to pass. A beautiful memories left behind and a sorrowful wrapping behind those beautiful memories.

There was a glow of these memories flashing light to my past and laugh at present. I remembered those gone days of agony occurred almost about six months ago. Those gone days - the days had seemed like the worst among those counted days. When I think of dice rolling towards my days I have judged myself through my ignorance. I can get a good laughing exercise from these replayed plays. An illusionary romance came out from the exchange of unmeasured love. We use to chit and chat almost half our days. To describe him - he is a quixotic lover. Nothing more to say he had been good since his stay.

But poor me! I am no better then a flipping pages sounding harsher then the first flip. When I glimpse through those days and think about my counseling module I am bit unlucky to have this session module this semester. However, sometimes I think I have done a great job of an advisor to myself.

Story started falling for each other catching the illusory words. Touching each others heart. Moving the fire ball, flaming the fueled heart and calming the up roused flame. It has been an interesting exchange of love. It was wrapped with an un……..let me continue next time.

HumanValues

Human desire grows even if they were given chance to shortchange the whole world's benefit for individual wellness. It is alike drinking a sip of ocean water which continues to increase the amount to a cup, a bucket than a tank and an ocean. Similarly, emptying the ocean too will not be able to quench the thirst of the person. Hence, humans are the conduct less among the living beings. We utilize the major percent from the shared earth but we never give a second thought to our selfishness nor does we feel guilty for our own deed.
       
        While going through the newsletters, listening to views and speeches on shared responsibility, we can point out strong supportive words expressed on sustainability. But seeing the words and saying it isn't enough, seeking the reality with analysis is vital. For example, we people, in order to find outer happiness, we distract the global environment at large, use this raw to manufacture toxin- synthetic goods where billions of tons of toxins were used to manufacture it into smooth slippery shows. At the same time produces billions of tons of toxin pollution, we then distribute half of the toxin input goods to ourselves. What is our next preference?   We consume all the self distracting goods.

        Are satisfied with what we have consumed or brought so far? No, it wasn't enough and will never be even if the present available resources runs out.Because of our attached defilement, we look forward for new branded goods, exchanges the system within  snap of our finger to drive in a spacious center being a " latest fashionable consumer." Even to fix a simple electronic we ignore to mandate rather go for a suitable technology.

       Have you ever asked yourself, where does this exchanged wraps or scraps go? I never asked this question to myself . All the stuffs were dumped as an unwanted wastes, they were burned down to an ashes producing trillion tons, thousand times powerful than the toxin called dioxin.

       Now, what is your response if our sustainability remains as an idea or concept? If the earth turns to a handful of dusty sands? If we haven't thought of it is high time for us to ensure greater thinking ability to answer these questions. Everyone believed the world as a beautiful place after evolution of education.Did you know, from the early evolution of education till date those questions weren't answered explicitly. Education's benefit is though enormous I would say it stepped on to distractions and decentralization of the naturally existed  nature into an artificiality appearance. It has done more harm than a good.  What do you think?

       Our knowledge that we have acquired so far from the education is implicit. The knowledge we get to know were innate within us but we are unaware of it's existence. We are only aware of tip of an iceberg of the knowledge remaining submerged.From the Buddhism views basic human needs are roof over a head, cloth on our back and plateful rice for each meal. However, our humans today flows in the line where more than what we want is unnecessary, less than what we have is incomplete with our wants as immense.Therefore, analyze and check out for the fact. Individually try to know your own natural conduct. Question oneself, Am I being greedy to research the submerged iceberg or is it enough studying only the tip of an iceberg so our younger generations can have their say and discovery of the submerged berg.

       Take in account,we have not inherited this earth from our heritage, but we have borrowed it from our children... 

                                                                                                                        

Chechong: There is no substitute for hardwork

Chechong: There is no substitute for hardwork: There is no substitute for hard work I always remember a statement “there is no substitute for hard work” written in my cousin’s letter.

We weren't classmates nor are we school mate but your handwork inspired  me as well. Had you been my college mate I think I can look forward for your excellent example. Do keep your spirit awake as you have been doing so far.

Hard workers are always rewarded by the term itself HARD WORK.

Still I could hear you

It really matters me. Why don't you get out of my sight? Who propose you to be here around me? I tried ignoring you but your image last long etched in my mind. It would have been better if you were a good image. But it's not what I have described.
You are the stealer, the killer whom I never thought of. You lingers around, enduring me in acorn pain.
If something bothers you why don't you share. Why don't you be open to me?
I will not be able to resolve to drops hence will try to compensate with your suffering. I thought of writing to you but it's just an idea which remains a miracle to me.
Had I been with you, it would have been possible to lessen what you were suffering from. Now, it must have been the ideas behind the lovely memories.

Better, let me pray, any mistakes are  due entirely to my ignorance. let you be blessed by the almighty. I pray for your cheerfulness ahead.

How fragile is our human heart?

I have never known my heart‘s so fragile. Before 2012, January I believed myself as one of the strong heart saver. But it is all what I can do when there isn’t any distraction towards my feeling. Unless I face with an obstacle I am the brawny holder whilst the crisis crosses my brawniest it is all fake.

What will be your say about the fragility? I know you will have tens of thousands of answer to this question.  Poor me I don’t have even single answer to this question. Still I endeavor myself towards stumbling the answer to this question.

Last January, though it was a month of celebration and rejoicing moment for the world it took no difference in making my days alike with the following jaded months. Those days revealed the secrecy of the human heart. Might be only mines I can’t assure the veracity. Might be the time difference for others pledge. I think deepening of the perception may further the verification so let me halt here.

It so happened several times but I am ignorant of my heart’s condition. I haven’t looked twice to care what’s happening; I haven’t questioned whether my patron was feeling good. Neither do I support what it has been undergoing so far. I would say my covetousness to care my own spirit of my life. 

One moment I could remember how this cropped up; it’s just before an hour. I heard an answer to an unasked question. Now, don’t say that I am crazy. I have heard it. I have responded silently to this answer. But, it wasn’t under my consciences conscious control it poked my rude consciousness. Though I was fade up interacting with my fragile annoyance. It continuously proceeded before what I have been thinking off.

It made me feel so low but my question is am I going to accept this condition?  What would you say dear fragility?  I am quite awake. Now I will question you my dear fragility.

But you know, before rendering to this prompting I felt so distressed. I have noticed cheerlessness crawling towards my fragile heart. I didn’t recognize the explicit words that I have heard. The words are all sense less if I have to mention. Yet it reminded me of my reaction towards my forgiveness.

That’s how I have started reacting to the present condition of the fragility. There will be more to account what really fragility is. But as I have said I couldn’t answer it in a sentence what really it is. It’s all about how much it entrenched in me.

Who will ask, Am I responsibly taking my responsiblity?

Self questioning is the best reflection of the life. From the Buddhism point of view it's wrong to reflect back on past neither to think of not yet risen future. Instead being at the present situation is considered as a wise decision. To live in the responsible generation era, it is must to inculcate in one the habit of being in present with a reflective common sense.

The generation walk, steps upon our intellect to question whether we are trying to be a responsible generation or whether we are responsibly taking our responsibility. If we think we are responsibly taking our responsibility then why some things are not taken care. Suppose, I am a college student. In our college the daily advertisements were advertised online. Graduates come and check the advertisements time and then on the college website. They were heeding the online advertisements timely. But what unusual thing happens is that they all murmurs after looking at the add. Whether the add is knowledgeable or is of some kind of complain they heedlessly gossip and pricks.Does this show how we have to be responsible?or else We are taking our responsibility honestly, but why are we backing from the actual responsive responsibility? This marks a big question upon the graduates responsibility act.

When I remember the days back to April this year, our college media club members has launched PCEyes, first of this kinds. Other youth concerned about their college may ooze with thoughtfulness, WOW!!! how many  members from the college has attended the launching Day of the paper? How far does this reached in Bhutan and so on? But its just an imaginary vision of the honest student. What happened was only the media club members were aware of the newly boosted paper. Might include half of the teaching staffs who were connected with the daily college updates. Out of nine hundred student teachers, more then hundred faculty members only three percent were aware of the Day. Rest all remained in childish play and ignorance. Now, Does this point how a college student should be responsible of the up to date events in the college? Whilst I say this, it doesn't mean that college administration were backing up from their responsibility. What I mean is being a college student, Don't we have to ask ourselves of our own responsibility? Don't we have to be aware, from where can we get such information? I think to wake up and catch the other university's hand my mates should work harder for the worldly updates. If not there will be chances that we may lack behind those because we aren't in eighteenth century, 21st century looks forward for more vigilant people.

The glimpse of the college days, sometimes makes me wonder whether I am forwarding the backwards. I think I am not as I wasn't able to state all the events disregardful of the college students on this page. Its just a gist of the ignorance laid down. However, this platform helped me resign my authenticity. I have expressed my full hearten words and poured the heaviest drops hanging from my heart about the responsibility that my college mates were taking.

You are responsible for your own good, never wait for the command nor the order. Just walk a mile forward then you will find where you have reached. Re read your past and act on the moving action. Be a responsible ' I '. I who cares me with the move of the time. I who cares my responsibility to be in the current era.
 

unconditional love....

Our mothers love is immeasurable

Once it happened, when I went to feed my cows. In the cowshed I saw one of my cows mooing over and over again. I went next to her and gave a scary look. There was a balloon like hanging from the end of her body. I stared at it carefully and noticed it was filled with a water and pus. There was splash of blood over the balloon.

When I neared her head I have seen a tiny skinny calf lying vainly mooing. It seems the skinny calf was only about seven months old. He doesn’t have any hair on his body; his foot appears very fragile and brittle. Still he could moo that amazes.

The mother cow, she was in immense pain and suffering. When I looked at her I have seen she was not concerned of her sufferings. Dripped in a thick coated blood and flesh hanging from her end body she licks her calf around his neck, stomach and abdomen.

It was a heart touching moment. I was left standing staring at their love and compassion. After licking several time over her newly born calf there wasn’t any sound of moo neither signs of life. She then tried mooing around the calf’s ear. It was of no use the calf was gone far living his mom under enormous pain and suffering.

Still, the mother cow was hopping for the return of her newly born calf, when the calf already left her alone. With her full hope and attachment she licked, mooed and turned her calf’s corpse. But it was already gone breaking her heart, living her unconditional feelings in vain. 

The whole moment of hours awakened a great compassion momentarily probably the inner values. When animals can give such a overwhelming moral why don’t we human, can take it as a heartiest gratification in our life to pay back our gratitude to our loving and caring mom though we cannot repay the fullest, we can serve her in our little best ways.    

Illusion wishes……..

I wish:

Last cry of my heart could answer the final question of my life.

I could ask the last tear why it dropped wittily

The inner beauties I use to enjoy could come back from the far gone moments. 

The trust I have before could turn its faith to where it was before,

What was not understood before could twist to an understandable moment

Stiffness of the memories could get rip from the etched mind.

I could swing with my emotion when it touches the fragility of my weakness

I could steal the tricks of impressing the contentment of my heart

The sensibility of my mind could console itself to be the brawniest

My bestowed heart could impede itself from the disloyal believe.

I could back the love I have given to its bliss,

I could bring in the joyful jiffy or moment ever had in the world.

I could love best among the rest of the bests

I, mine and my could liberate from its cocooned egoism

1 could spark a light upon life and  pray let none endure all above!!!

When person is alone it doesn't mean he is lonely..

                                              Who can answer the unasked question.

I haven't seen a happiness yet not seen a sadness when I am with my colleagues. We chit and chat around without perpetuating each others expressions and feelings. Humorous talks, gossips and instinct expressions were the usual conversations we use to have when we stay with our friends. 

Our real identity were not even seen when we closely attach our time to our friends. It passes by clinging to it's moment. Though the talks we talk, the gossips we gossip and expressions we express are all vague feelings and words, we express and talk and talk and talk. Haven't you noticed even if we talk and talk or express and explore with our colleagues it doesn't have solution to any unasked questions? Haven't you thought when will those unasked questions will be answered before it was asked? Haven't you thought  who will answer those unasked questions?

Perhaps we may think it's all about a matter of thinking. If we look at the covert answers of our mind or inwardly we look deep inside we can see those questions as well the answers to those unasked questions. When I say unasked questions what pricks was all about the tricks which will question when we doesn't have any answers to those question's question.





           

Let your life blossom ....

Person who made a difference in my life.

She was a gracious student with profound behavior. A role model when we were in the ninth grade. Our teachers loved her, not because she was beautiful and from an affluent family. She was an open minded, amenable, decent, simple and diligent student. She was three year senior to me, in twelfth grade in 2005.

She appreciates herself being a unique individual, cares younger like her own sibling and respect seniors as a master. Her friends were heaved along with herself to become a productive individual. She shares in the state of despair and doubt, guides when students’ breaches out of the track and support the needy friends.

Azhim ??.... amazes everyone by her lucid and articulate advices. The first advice I ever heard was, challenging every opportunity. Opportunity will walk through a path only once. We have to grab hold of it, being it an easy or a complex challenge, was her word.

Being open to any idea is one vital thing we should take it up to be in the change that we desire to.

Ignoring the fearful or disregarding it was another facet of life. She advised on to build upon our self esteem, confidence, and determination and to be a self assertive being; we should put several tips under a nutshell as our philosophy, she said. Most important thing like controlling egoism, considering others take, reflecting on ones mistakes and setting goals.

Nevertheless, taking all the advice as a daily philosophy was extremely difficult. So I paved the way, practicing bit by bit from the countless advices. However, to instill the morals within us we have to manage it like an amateur drama, which I have done and seen bright flame blazing upon my career.

Earlier, though I was completely engrossed in ludicrous talks I was not known that conversations would elicit strong emotions.

Egoism too, flared me and killed my talents of openness. I used to fidget nervously when someone asked me questions or any opinion.

Gradually now, I can put an end to those omnibus outrageous behaviors whenever they out pours, holding my head up proudly. It was all because of her I am now standing on this platform where I can contest the uprising challenge in education. She has printed a deep foot print on my pages which I would never rip instead will preserve it. My sister’s words of wisdom inspire everyone and I take her advices as a stepping stone in my life. Let yours also shine and blossom with flowers.

True love, a practice for awakening the heart. ( as per Buddhism)

“A simplicity and directness that brings true love within reach’

                                           - Dragonview.

True love’s aspect makes each of us better in understanding the love. If we do not understand we cannot love, love is a true thing if it is made up of a substance called understanding. When we love a person our love may make the other person suffer therefore loving kindness is for most element of love which is not only the desire to make our love happy but ability to make him or her happy practicing deep looking gradually the main essence of love known as understanding. We must have time; we must practice looking deeply into this person. We must be there, attentive; we must observe compassionately ease pain of another person and help him or her change. If you cry all time without joy it is not true love. Love should be served with joy. When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love. You must love in such a way that the person you love feel free, not only outside but also inside. “Dear one, do you have enough space in your heart and all around you?” this is an intelligent question for testing out that your love is something real. (Hanh,T.N, 2006)

“Many young people face difficult life situations.

How can I survive this difficult time?

FIND A SANCTUARY. Find a safe place where you don’t have to worry about being bothered and where you can relax and think.

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTIONS. Anger, sadness, depression and hopelessness (all strong emotions) affect a person’s ability to see the many sides of a situation. Strong emotions may give a person something called “tunnel vision”. This means that only one view can be seen and none of the others. Often, someone who is not emotionally involved can help you take a fresh look at the situation and come up with options and solutions. With patience, you will find a solution to every problem.

LOOK FOR THE GOOD. Everywhere, every moment and every situation, look for the good and positive. There are many things to be grateful for in your life – from your health to the people who care about you to the safe places where you can go. Think about what your life would be like if you didn’t have good health, someone to turn to, or somewhere to go. Often, you are fortunate to have, you tip the scale from the despair and sadness to hope and an expectation that everything will turn out okay in time.

PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE. Will this problem or situation really matter to you in ten years, five years, or even one year? How does this situation affect the big picture? Chances are, what you are most concerned with right now will not be remembered in the months or years to come.

DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE. You are here for a reason, a purpose. You were given certain strengths and talents. What are they? How can you develop your strengths and use them to help yourself through this situation and prepare for your future?

TRANSCEND (RISE ABOVE) YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Be who you truly are. Don’t get caught up in what anyone else says, does, or thinks about you. Regardless of who may be trying to hold you back, remember who you are and what you need to do to succeed.

Get HELP. Everyone needs help. Find a trusted adult or a resource (a school, community, or national organization) that can give you the information, support, and guidance you need. Find someone you can trust and who can help you work through your problems.

TURN OFF THE TELEVISION. Television can be entertainment, but it can also cause disappointment and sadness and fuel misperceptions about life. On television, families and people’s lives all seem to be perfect, or their problems can be worked out within a half hour. These portrayals are very unrealistic and people may begin to compare their less than perfect lives with what they see on television. This cause a person to feel like her/his life is nothing special or, even worse, a nightmare. Cut back on the hours you spend in front of the television. Try to limit what you see to programs that make you feel bad about yourself or who only add to your problems. Turn off music or other influence that describe the negative aspects of life or negative ways to handle problems. Cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs only complicate life and create huge problems later down the road. Avoid these things at all costs.

BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU TURN! Beware of people who suggest that you use drugs or violence or join a gang to help you solve problems. There are those who are constantly looking for young people who are vulnerable (weak in their ability to make good decisions), or in difficult situations so that they can take advantage of them. Often these people will come across as being very nice and will try to gain your trust. Once they think they have your trust, they may fill your head with bad information or try to persuade you into drug use, gang involvement, or other bad ideas. Be aware that not everyone who offers you a hand helps you.

KEEP GOING! No matter how difficult it gets or how hopeless it seems, your life will improve – as long as you keep trying.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON; DON’T LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!!

Source: Basso, M.J. (2003). The underground guide to teenage sexuality

(2^nd ed.).USA: Fairview press.                                     

                                   

Desperate...too much of dependence worth nothing..

Desperate – once you were desperate of someone.

Worthless..

World seems to be wide enough to let us hold on the calmness rather being frantic dependent. However none could consent to escape from this desperate. Each one of us clutches at least a string of desperate out of bunch or maybe it is adolescence act for its emotional adjustments, I am not sure. 

Without any control over our own identity sometimes we become desperate for someone. Therefore I frequently ask myself, Is this the answer for our strength or is it showing our true weakness out of the strong nerve. 

When we befall to be desperate it heaves down our hope’s rope inculcating Achilles’ heel. It tows our self esteem down in the dumps making us miserably worthless and hollow like. 

 Desperate, if it is mean for doing something commendable it would be better named after that coolly but being desperate for someone means healing the pain without any coverage of wellness.

Devoid of thinking of one’s own life’s worth we turn out to be worrying of others. Only the certainty ever known was that the things which will be happening will happen in the way how it should be happening to end up its happening phases. Consequently it’s pointing its finger right to us to be at present moment spotting its need and imperatives of the moment which will never be at present once it was gone. 

Being that so is also of our casual thoughts. Leaning on the positivity may purge us from such thoughts. Lets try!!!...

Wish that could be applied to humans too...

The chair I sat on.

It’s in 4iiiPCA I was in third year of the four year programme. As a freshly experienced teacher I was back from my teaching practice and it’s the first day to the college after the TP. Me and my friend Haki went to our classroom and selected the chair. We were the firstperson in the class. She selected a freshly painted yellow chair where as I haven’t looked at the chair instead took one from the corner and sat on it. After several minutes all of my friends entered the classroom everyone was searching for a comfortable and ease chair. I was shocked why am I not going for comforts? Why have I chosen this without any notice? Then I stared at the chair which I was sitting on. The chair was similar with the ones that my friends took. 

I wondered why my friends were quarrelling for a single simple chair. I stood up and looked around. More than half of my friends didn’t get the chair. I said one can have mines. Someone took it from me. Quickly I went to Dzongkha B.Ed and asked for one chair from their class placed in my previous sit and sat on the chair.

 The chair seems like my fan I have seen my friends writing their names on the chair then I too started autographing on the chair and felt as if like a celebrity giving autograph to her/his fans. It was freshly painted with yellowish color. But I have made a mess on that beautifully painted chair. Never did it happen to lose its patience in holding me. It served its service for whole autumn semester being a great fan of mines. Sometimes have to take over the loaded baggy which I used to hang from its back stand. Sometimes I used to lean without mercy on its back stand. Sometimes I used to sit on its back stand with my foot on the flat usually where we sit. Sometimes out of guilt I used to clean the top flat with my handkerchief, sometimes with firm papers and tissue papers. It did a marvelous job without minding to hold the heaviest sitter too. It comforted its pleasure to make me happy for four months bearing with my silly acts and nonsense sense. It’s only the consoler to drip down my stress I used to bang and drag it hard but never did it yelled somehow it creeps little when its over the limit.

 It really had done a tiring job for me but never did I get chance to pay back my gratitude rather all I can see nowadays on this chair is my autograph which I have imitated it from my dear friends and autographed on its back…just a simple memory unless a freshly paint would cover up its mess which I had made.   

Veracity of life...

Modern heart stealer...

Before when I wasn’t in love I use to feel the presence of future. I was a great dreamer, always dreaming of my hopes and desires. I used to decide my plans and dreamed of being a conceited woman amongst the crowd. I thought of being a supportive family member helping my innocent brothers and sisters and my beloved hardworking mother and assiduous father. I use to feel their love and care at the deepest core of my heart, their advices, their hard work , their compassionate love, touching feelings, their high anticipations. It’s after the entire situation changed reversing those real beauty of the life, contemplating to the worldly attachments.

I have fallen in love with an unseen guy unbelievably abstract love. Blindly exchanged feelings, ignoring the supportive nature precisely believing in the unseen thoughts and attractively heart touching words. Clinging on the innocence, without thinking about the latterly bad things I loved him unconditionally probably my ever roused feelings. After fallen in love with him I attended most of my concentration to his feelings neglecting my dear parent’s words and action, apathetic to do my works to achieve my dreams and disregarding the concerns of my loveable siblings. 

Without thinking that love with attachments would be that difficult, I have given my trust. The fact wasn’t like how I thought; intangibly it’s all about five minute pleasures weighing itself with my profound devotion. I believe I ascertained the one sided love never meant to blame the relation but somehow was thrust up. The relation was not able to hold my trust it revolved my faith to mistrust. From which I knew don’t ever let self trust be upon others because trust is the greatest compliment then love, trust self and love others. It dwelled me in a traumatic depression for more than two months, may be a stepping stone for the other round.

But it’s not a fault of karma it’s one’s own heedlessness, not being able to know the reminiscent or difference of self with other persons. If life happens to ensue it with the way I have described I will reason out most of the break downs must be of that personal discrepancy. The genuinely recognizable certainty of life is that partners are meant for pleasure as their lip talks were condensed to prove it is meant for emotional support, physical prop up and mental console. But as far as I have seen and known 5 out of 100 may dissolve their cravings to the enlightening purposes however other 95 would be seeking for self love only without taking to heart the value of other person’s commitments, character, need for survival and reputations. 

It is all about how people’s perspective of life’s truth has been revealed to me. Bartering or exchanging my profound devotion with short term pleasure dodges.